Say Ray, you never told me that I would have to plan, plot and remember so much when I was being suckered into this rod building experience. Did you forget? Are you suffering from the same disease as most of us old farts – senility? Oh, I forgot! You’re the guy who knows everybody’s name, so you don’t think it’s a big deal keeping track of a zillion things. Well, for us normal people, keeping track of who, what, when or where isn’t so easy, especially when it comes to that new game of the highly productive – multitasking. You said it was going to so much fun, there were so many wonderful people and there would be so many interesting experiences. Oh Yeah!!! Right!!!

My first clue was when Lanny presented his summary of what I said I wanted in the Brazen Hussy – all typed, columned, and categorized. Next came the list of parts that needed to be ordered. And then he started asking the questions of who was going to do what, when and where. When I came out of the shock of all the details that needed to be attended to, I realized that I was going to have to come out of retirement. All those inactive brain cells would have to be called back to active duty. This wasn’t going to be easy, as I was sure I was in the beginning stages of senile dementia. Maybe my ever-loving spouse was correct – advanced dementia.

I had to start thinking about things that were, as far as I was concerned, way down the road. There was the matter of the windshield wipers. We were going to have to install the windshield wiper motor in about two months. Had I ordered it yet? Ordered it? Hell, I didn’t even know what kind of motor to get. All I knew was that the Brazen Hussy had not only lost her virginity, but her windshield wiper, motor, brackets and whatever the hell else went with it. Of course, Pat didn’t make things any easier. His comment was, “What do you need a windshield wiper for, you’re building a hot rod!”6o, ignoring Pat’s inane comment, I began the research. Asking people; checking out the ads in the various trade journals (hot rod magazines to the unenlightened); going on the web; and praying - all became part of the game. I could use the original vacuum type motor if I was going for the vintage look, dirty windshields and was totally stupid. Rich Schilling told me that his 63 T-bird had a hydraulic motor. That didn’t have much appeal to me. Messing with hydraulic systems on various pieces of equipment had never been a favorite pastime – and I figured that oil squirting on my new carpets wouldn’t be too cool. And then there were at least three different electric motors I could spend my ill-gotten gains on. But which one? Lanny liked the one with a twisting cable in a sleeve. He said, “It’ll twist your arm off.” Well, I wanted to keep my arm, plus it didn’t have any of the brackets, arms or wipers. And I needed that stuff, because some guy in the past had removed those necessities from the Brazen Hussy.

So I picked the most expensive wiper kit because it had everything we’d need, including a jig to locate the passenger side wiper. Naturally, Pat had something to say about the need for a passenger side wiper, but after Claudette said a few things about Pat’s need for cranial material, I figured life would be best with a passenger side wiper. So with about two weeks to go, I phoned these folks in Missouri and placed my order.

“Oh, the brackets that go with that kit are out of stock and we won’t be able to ship for about two weeks. Will that be OK?”

No, that won’t be OK. I’ve Lanny on my back, Pat mumbling, and times awasting. Please can you do something sooner?

“Well, we could ship to you by overnight express.”

Thus I became the owner of the world’s most expensive windshield wiper set-up in the history of mankind.

One good thing came out of the experience. Everyone was really impressed by the wiper motor kit. It not only had everything, but we could understand the directions. The jig worked slicker than owl snot, everything went in as it was supposed to and very quickly too. Even Lanny was impressed, (he said it could twist my arm off) and he ain’t easily impressed cause he’s been around the barn many, many times. Pat liked that it was easy to install, but he still didn’t see the need for wipers. “Just roll down the window and stick your head out.” Claudette’s right, he needs some more cranial material.

Hey Ray, my head is really hurting from all this planning, plotting and remembering. Does it ever get any better? Why am I asking you this stupid question – I know what your going to say – “George, if you want it to get better, it will get better.” Oh, will I ever learn? And Ray, another part of my anatomy is hurting real bad.

The wiper lesson was one that was repeated all together too often for my tastes. I now knew that you needed to plan well ahead, order earlier than anyone in his right mind would think necessary, and pray that the supplier is reputable. As a matter of fact, as Lanny or Pat said, “If you can’t touch it, maybe you shouldn’t buy it.” (I’m not sure who said it - I was pretty numb at the time.) Oh, and be very sure to pay for it with a credit card so you will have some recourse when things go wrong. And you can bet your inheritance that you’ll need some recourse. (Hey, in this club everyone already has their inheritance, and spent it too – probably on cars).

An example of ordering gone wrong was the pick-up bed I ordered from a jerk in Colorado. I could have ordered a bed from any number of honest, reputable dealers, but I had to save two hundred bucks, and boy-oh-boy, did I pay dearly for the pleasure. Not only did the guy not ship on time (more than five weeks late), but also he sent the bed in pieces, separated by broken promises and tantrums on the phone. First we got the front of the bed, then weeks later the sides, and more weeks later, the tailgate. And a second mistake I made was paying by check. I thought I would save the guy fifty bucks by paying with a check instead of using my credit card. Surely he would appreciate my gesture and respond favorably. He not only didn’t respond favorably, but my Proctologist will tell you he might have caused me irreparable damage to a certain part of my anatomy, if you know what I mean. (Family values here – I’m making amends for past indiscretions.)

Please, Ray, no advice at this time. Just hold my hand and cry with me.

As I see it, you need to not only to know what you need, and that is problematic for us rookies, but when you’ll need it, which is damn uncertain in the realm of rod building. Compounding all of this is that there are so many things going on at the same time. You’ve got to know what they are, when they are needed, who can, or will, supply them, and where in hell you’re going to keep them until you need them.

Ever lose a tool - or a part? You know what happens when you can’t find the thing-a-ma-jig that you know that you got four weeks ago. You can actually see it – but where is it? You start looking everywhere; all the while people are watching you with expressions of wonder - or disdain. The next thing you know everyone is looking high and low, in and under, discovering things that they forgot they ever had, but still can’t find that g-d part. And nothing is getting done – you’re not even making the place a little cleaner or neater. If you’re lucky, as was the case of a good friend of mine, you’ll find it - after searching for hours. It was in your back pocket. But that doesn’t happen to us normal people. You go to bed thinking about it. You drive everyone crazy, until you remember that you put it on the shelf in your office - so that you would be sure to remember where it was. But even then it don’t feel good. You can only make a note (that you’re sure to lose) to talk to your doctor about this problem your having remembering things.

What is needed is a course - maybe three or four courses - in time management and flow control, ordering, receiving and storing, and maybe crisis management. I’m told that they have computer programs for such things – but who has the time to learn a new computer program? But what you really need is some people - some really nice people teaching you, helping you, advising you, reminding you, talking to you about their experiences, sharing their knowledge with you, laughing with you - not at you - when you screw up, but most of all, being very patient with you.

So, at this moment in time, all I can say is THANK YOU to Lanny, Pat, Drake, all of the guys in the club, especially Don, and most of all to my wife, Claudette. This has been a real trip and I wouldn’t be where I am today (not finished yet with either myself or the Brazen Hussy) without all of you.

Well Ray, maybe I now know why you feel the way you do. I’ll bet you’ve experienced everything I’ve gone through and because you are who you are, people were waiting in line to help, laugh and love with you. I’ll bet that your positive attitude and genuine interest in doing good things for people most likely have been returned to you many times over. My problem is that I haven’t been listening between the lines when you’re talking. I’m going to have to work harder at that. And, I’ll have to admit it, again – you were right – it has been a great experience. I’ve met a great number of wonderful people, and I’ve certainly learned a lot.

Now, Ray, can you help me find the latches that I’ve misplaced. Drake needs them so that he can finish the tailgate?[TOP]