OK, Ray, you’re basking in the glow of your Thank You Banquet, and everybody thinks you’re the greatest (including me). You are now the Pres Emeritus, Mr. Wonderful and all of that stuff. But don’t you think it is time to tell the truth about this rod-building thing? People really need to know how it really is before they go off half cocked (or crocked?) with some fantastical dream. Are you going to tell them, or do I have to tell it as it really is?

So you want to build a hot rod? You’ve been reading Hot Rod magazine (not so hot in my opinion), and Street Rod Builder (better) and all of those other fantasy magazines and it seems easy enough. You’ve watched Boyd Coddington’s foul mouthed show (and learned nothing) and Monster Garage (stupid, insane and entertaining) and it still seems easy. Then you do it.

WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOTTEN YOURSELF INTO?

It probably starts during tear down with the first locked, rusted nut. You successfully rounded off the shoulders of the nut, your el cheapo vice grips don’t grip, the liquid wrench is all over the place, the hacksaw doesn’t do it, the blood from your knuckles is making it hard to see, and you don’t know whether to cry or swear. So you try both - but it doesn’t help. Wouldn’t a plasma torch be the most wonderful addition to your tool inventory right now? Just some money - some time to learn how to use the torch - and magic happens.

OK, you got the beast apart, and the body looks a lot more than a bit rusty. You’ve got to replace the rear corners of the cab. After many hours of fruitless research on the Internet you discover two things. First, that no one makes replacement corners for a 40 Ford pick-up. You gotta do it! Secondly, all that time on the computer is affecting your eyes in a bad way. So, off you go to find some sheet metal, some body working tools, maybe something on how to form sheet metal, and then to the drug store to buy some reading glasses. But cheer up; you’ll get to use your new plasma torch. Oops, forgot! You need to buy a welder – a TIG welder and learn how to use it too.

In the teardown process you discover that some the parts have been held together with screws – wood screws. So you’re going to need some bolts, nuts and stuff. Searching the garage only confirms that you don’t know where anything is, that the garage is a holy mess, and that you haven’t got any 5/6th by æ inch bolts, nuts, washers or lock washers...Just some wood screws!

So, ‘hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to hardware store we go’. This trip will occur so often that you no longer have to steer the car to hardware store, it’ll track by it self in the ruts you have made. And just like Cheers, everybody knows you by name (and the money you’ve left behind). At some point you’ll discover that a box of 100 bolts costs about what you’d pay for 10 individual bolts. So you buy a box. And now you have a new problem. Where do you store the box of bolts so you can find it next time? You’re going to have to buy a storage rack. And clean up the garage so you’ll have a place to put the new rack. Oh well, what’s money for? Your favorite companion will also notice the garage is now clean! And ask how much all the new stuff cost!

Now you’re on to the frame and you’re going to put in the Mustang II front end, complete with the disk brakes. (Forget episode II – please.) You now discover that it isn’t as easy as those pictures in Custom Rod Builder showed it. As a matter of fact, you now need a whole bunch of new tools - a new welder, some air tools, and the compressor to provide the air for the air grinder, and air drill. And don’t forget to buy the miscellaneous discs, clamps and stuff. Money, oh money, and lots of it. Plus time to learn how all of this stuff works and money for the doctor bills to put back the finger you nearly cut off with the rotary air saw.

Say Ray, are we having fun yet?

It really hurts when you spend good money on parts for your engine, or chassis, and then you find out that you have to make your own brackets, or braces so they’ll fit. In the magazine articles everything just bolts together nice and easy. Have you been sold a bill of goods? Or is the reality that, even with the same manufacturer, not everything is thought out for a 40 Ford pickup? You’ve go to invent, create, massage, adapt and remanufacture damn near everything. It just ain’t fair. Haven’t thousands of people build 40 Ford pickup rods? You’ve seen scads of pictures of them in the magazines. If its been done before, then why doesn’t everything go together easily for you?

The real kicker comes when you spend umpty hundreds of bucks for that great looking, chrome, adjustable steering column, and umpty hundreds of more bucks for the classy steering wheel, and then you find out that you need an adapter for the steering wheel to fit the column, and a bracket to hold the column in place, and buckets of u-joints, and a double D rod so that you can ‘connecta the steering wheel to the steering column, and connecta the steering column to the u-joints, and connecta the u-joint mess to the rack and pinion’. And then it don’t work right. The whole mess binds and sticks and the hell with swearing, you’re just going to cry.

What aggravates you most are the constant questions you are getting. Your friends in the club are always asking how the rod is coming? And as soon as you start to elucidate the latest achievement, they glaze over and you realize that they are not hearing anything you are saying. Don’t worry; it’s not your personality they are reacting to. It is remembered pain that they are re-experiencing. Your non-car buff friends are asking you where have you been lately? And why are your hands so cut up (and dirty)? But the worst questioning comes from your dearly beloved. Why is it taking so long? When will it be finished? How much more is it going to cost? Why do you need all those new tools? Will this “thing” ever end?

Why did you ever get yourself into this mess? When you think about it, there must be seven unfinished rods in garages for every three on the street. Hell, you bought one of the seven. And if your initial experience tearing the truck down is an indicator, two of those on the street are so cobbled together that they’re a menace to the public. Makes you wonder about many things. For instance the derisive phase, “He just threw money at it!” meaning that big bucks were forked over to some pro to do it, or that he just spent lots of money on expensive parts. Want to bet that, for the novice buying all the tools and parts, it works out to be about the same number of bucks as the dude who was doing the throwing? How about the phase “He did it all himself.” Wanna bet on how long it took him to do it? Try years - six, maybe ten years - or more? Or, “He’s a real craftsman.” Want to bet on how many years he has been building stuff and accumulating tools, supplies, hardware and materials? Hey man, nothing is free, or easy!

Take a look at Lanny’s place (maybe you’d better not, he’s real busy with guys like me). He’s got more machinery, tools, equipment, parts and pieces, metal, aluminum and stainless steel than Carters got Little Liver Pills. And he still has the first rod he ever built back in 1940 BC. And then there’s his “bone yard.” Have you got a “bone yard” where you can chose your new rear end (the car’s, not the one you feel has been used by every vendor in the country)? Have you got racks of nuts, bolts, and washers? Have you got piles of metal, aluminum, angle iron, tubes, and hoses? Do you even have some of that? Or is it ‘hi-ho, hi-ho, its off to the store we go’?

And who is your source of wisdom? What do you do when you’re not sure of what to do next? Do you go to two, three, or four club meetings and ask the old-timers? Do you call the guy who owns one and ask if you can come over and look at his (I did – I even got him to drive up to where we were working so we could look! Thanks a whole bunch Don.)? Do you put on your new reading glasses, go onto the Internet and ask your question on some forum? Or are you going to write to one of the wonderful magazines and wait six months for a hoped-for reply? How about dragging your bloody body to one of the vendors where you’ve spent so much money and see what they say? Or maybe it’s all of the above? But what ever you do, it’s more time - and probably more money.

In my humble and inexperienced opinion, rod building takes either lots of time, or lots of money - and most likely, both. If time is the game, then there has to be lots of experience and/or equipment, then bless the guy’s patience (and his wife’s too). If money is the path, then admire the person(s) who found a way to earn it so that they could spend it. And, again, in my opinion, the person who goes out and buys somebody else’s rod, nearly completed, or completed, deserves a great big pat on the back too. What’s important is the pleasure that they get out of their rod, custom, restoration or classic, be it from building, driving it, showing, or lying about it. As my son-in-law says, “What ever floats your boat!”

So, Ray is this what you’ve been trying to tell me? Only not quite getting to it? Well, Ray, it don’t matter. You’ve got a great and good heart and even if your message is incomplete, you’re still right! And you seem to be enjoying it all - the process, the product and the people. Your boat looks like it is floating real good.[TOP]