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A Tom Swifty is joke that is a play on words. The classic one is something like “I can run the hundred yard dash in ten second,” said Tom swiftly. Some are more subtle, like “What’s wrong with McDonalds,” asked Ton archly. If you are not sure about any of them, say them aloud. They’re puns, which have been called the lowest form of humor. But, since you laugh at Steve DeSena’s jokes, I figure you like low humor. So here are a few car-related Tom Swiftys. Look a few club members names where it seemed appropriate or was just fun to do it. Since a lot of first names are the same in the club, you’ll have to figure out who I meant.

I love my Mustang, said Gary hoarsely.
It took all day to get radials mounted on my Ford, said Don tiredly
I finally finished polishing all the chrome on my '58 Buick, said Jim glowingly.
Do you like the flames on my red Chevy? asked Rick colorfully.
Turn on your high beams, Ron, said Cheri brightly.
Nancy sure packed a lot of stuff for Big Dick’s tour, said Eddie heavily.
I own a ‘51 Ford Country Squire, said Dick woodenly.
If you criticize my Studebaker, it means war, said Steve hawkishly.
Don thinks he’s cool just because he got a Cougar XR7, said Karen cattily.
I think I’m shifting my Chevy into fourth, said Sandi engagingly.
Be-Cool said they can solve my overheating problem, said Terry radiantly.
I always put the Hussy in park, said George automatically.
I’ll change your damn oil, said David crudely.
Slicks are great for drag racing, said Jack smoothly.
I sure wish I had air conditioning, said Ted hotly.
I can put in Vintage Air, said Bill cooly.
The heater’s working great, but I’m not sure about the air, said Ted warmly.
The problem was in the switch, said Bill controllingly.
It’s the middle of winter and now the air won’t turn off, said Ted icily.
Your new Konis are shot, said Lanny shockingly.
My truck is a Dodge Ram, said SOB sheepishly.
I’m shifting Brutus into overdrive, said Dave passingly.
I just had a blowout, said Rose flatly.
I painted my rat rod in flat black, said Lynn dully.
My tub doesn’t have windshield washers, said Tom hazily.
I think my Merc’s defroster’s not working, said Dusty foggily.
The back seat of my Le Mans could tell some great stories, said Clare racily.
Yeah, I’ve been all over in my Nomad, said Norm wanderingly.
My Dodge’s new VDO gauges are very cool, said Dave dashingly.
My wife just drove off in her ‘40 Ford street rod, said Tom ruthlessly.
This Model A body is all corroded, said Ray rusticly.
What grit sandpaper did you use, idiot? asked Richard abrasively.
I love my fire truck, said Dan readily.
I always use Rain-X on my coupe, said Lane clearly.
Your engine has a loud knock, said Barry crankily.
I got speeding a ticket, said Den finally.
Let’s use a pop-up for product sales at the car show, said Larry in-tent-ly.
No, it’s not Superbird. Just a regular Roadrunner, said Vic knowingly.
(No-wing-ly)
Sure, I can overhaul your engine, said Duke mechanically.
I hooked up the positive battery cable wrong on my GTO, said Dale negatively.
I dropped a hemi in my Barracuda, said Joe superficially. (Super-fish-ally)
Doreen, I think you’re over-revving, said Chuck tactfully.
Why don’t you like my Ford pick up? asked Thane truculently.
My Willys is bigger than yours, said Claude cockily.
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by Ron Cherry – presented at the Annual Meeting